Research shows how employees decide if a tough manager is an abuser or just demanding.
Some managers yell, belittle and push their teams hard. Whether employees see this as abuse or “tough love” often depends on one key factor: how well the team performs.
This might sound backwards, but recent research shows that employees don’t automatically label hostile leadership as abusive. When a harsh leader delivers strong results, their team is more likely to see them as a demanding but effective “tough love” boss.
This complicates how we think about leadership behavior and offers important lessons for anyone developing or evaluating leaders.
It’s All About Mental Shortcuts
Here’s what’s happening: People use mental shortcuts to make sense of their boss’s behavior. When a leader is abrasive but gets results, employees often reinterpret that harshness as intentional coaching. They think, “Maybe this person is pushing me because they see potential.”
Researchers call this leader categorization theory. Employees observe what leaders do, look at what they accomplish, then sort them into mental boxes; “abuser” or “tough love coach” in the case of this study.
That label changes everything.
The Label Drives the Response
Once employees categorize a leader as abusive, they’re more likely to push back. They might ignore requests, undermine decisions or simply check out mentally. Researchers call this “upward hostility,” and it quietly destroys team effectiveness.
But when that same harsh behavior gets labeled as “tough love” employees respond differently. They expect to grow from the challenge. Instead of resisting, they lean in, believing the difficulty will advance their careers.
What This Means for You and Your Organization
Here are three things every leader should know:
- High performance doesn’t excuse bad behavior, but it absolutely changes how that behavior gets interpreted. A results-driven bully can hide in plain sight for years simply because their team keeps hitting targets.
- If you’re going to be demanding, be clear about your intent. Tough leaders need to explicitly connect their high standards to employee development. Don’t assume your team understands that your criticism comes from a place of investment in their growth.
- Don’t mistake silence for acceptance. Just because employees aren’t openly rebelling doesn’t mean they’re thriving. A leader might be labeled “tough love” when they’re actually causing real harm. Without proper feedback systems this damage stays hidden until people start quitting.
The Real Risk
The biggest risk here is obvious: a leader who delivers short-term results while slowly poisoning relationships can operate unchecked for years. Even when employees aren’t openly hostile, confusing harmful behavior with “high standards” leads to burnout, disengagement and expensive turnover.
For leadership consultants, HR teams and executives, this research should make us rethink how we evaluate behavior. It’s not enough to ask if the leader gets results. We need to ask how the team experiences those results—and recognize that strong performance can mask serious leadership problems.
The Better Question
In addition to asking, "Did the team hit their targets?" Try asking, "What did it cost them to get there?"
When your feedback systems and leadership assessments account for how behavior gets labeled, you're better equipped to distinguish between legitimate toughness and destructive conduct.
Because at the end of the day, sustainable high performance requires results and relationships. Leaders who can't manage both may seem tough, but they compromise long-term success.
